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|INFLUENCES (bad and good) They call him Hercule and The Superficial...Because you're ugly! and NIN and my pick tures||
Ever since the onslaught of Myspace, I wonder how many people still log onto LJ, much less update? I'm no exception.
Still, if you're out there, then don't leave me alone on the dance floor of our reunion.
Play our favorite song and we'll dance the night away.
Current Location: ...
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Vicarious: Tool
So about three weeks ago, I started feeling this dull pain in my groin region. Actually, and to be more specific, it was on my right gonad. It was just now starting to feel better.
Imagine, if you will kind reader (if you are a male, or are a woman who has had a rough bout of the mensies) what it would be like to walk around with a "Kicked in the nuts" feeling.........all day long for three weeks. Sleeping has been an interesting thing as well.
If you are wondering why I haven't gone to the doctor, don't worry, I have.
It's not fun at all to have some older lady doctor (whom I've seen twice) and a scruffy Jewish male doctor (whom I've seen once) feel your testings 1,2,3, let me tell you. What's even less fun is that they've both given me the same diagnosis, and I can't for the life of me remember what it was called. Teste-something or other. I imagine the fact that they had their hands on my two veggies while telling me what it was called had something to do with me not paying attention, but who can say for sure.
This has caused me to miss work as well, seeing as I couldn't be about lifting anything, or pushing stuff around. I would constantly limp as one would imagine. I couldn't cross my legs. I couldn't breakdance like I wanted either.
I for real thought it was cancer, but I've heard that testicular cancer would only hurt at the latter stages of development and usually in a person's stomach. Turns out I'll live.
The reason I'm telling you all this wonderful stuff now is that about a couple of minutes ago, my cat, which weighs far more than most children, just jumped into my lap and hit me right in the "kill zone." It's all I can do to keep from screaming and waking up my wife right now, so I'm just typing along and trying to reach out and touch someone...cause God knows I'm tired of people touching me!
Current Mood: sore
Current Music: it hurts really bad
I was driving down the street, last night, heading to to a bookstore. I passed by an abandoned house that I had never noticed untill recently. When I first saw it a couple of days back, I thought "how creepy."
Then when driving past there last night, for some reason, I felt sad. Like it could have been someone's favorite place and they were forced to give it up due to money problems. Or that there could have been a fire, or worse. Maybe they just moved, but why was it still abandoned? I then started to think about what went on in all of the other illuminated kitchens of the other houses I had been driving past. What was going on in the kids' bedrooms? Were there any long distance relations visiting? What movies were they watching? Maybe I couldn't see them because they were all watching the sunset on the back porch...like I used to do with my family.
I know that a logical question would be to wonder, as well as the others, if there were any bad things going on. How many of these people were internet stalkers or killers even. How many parents beat their kids, and how many rebellious kids wanted to kill their parents? But I can only use my own home life for reference. I can only describe the packages I'm not allowed to open by the ones that I am. The ones that are sent to me. I don't know why this phrase came to me, but it did. And that is "I can see how something doesn't have to be pretty to be beautiful." There is a lesson to be learned about hope. I haven't been seeing too much of that on the T.V. (and I really never watch T.V. in the first place). And yet, driving down some rural road, past houses most likely filled with people who are not like me and wouldn't even like my company, I was inspired. I think it is enough to just put aside our intellect and what we've been conditioned to learn about things and really look at them for the first time. Some of our own selves would be condemed by others if others didn't practice this very thing.
I love things that don't always deserve it. Namely myself.
Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: The Apex Theory: isle always
Boyd works at Movie Gallery and has an advanced copy of Advent Children. That is to say the English version of Advent Children. I now have proven myself fit for daipers because I just pooed myself.
Cole has, uh, borrowed a copy of the new Tool album. It is, by far, their best album. Single songs putting entire albums to shame.
Ian has watched Howl's Moving Castle a number of times, from what he tells me. And he gets high alot.
Angela has been very busy and I can't seem to catch her on the net. Hope all is welly welly well then.
Steph has been playing the new Tomb Raider. Hooray for digital boobies!!!
David and Ali G. are up in the B'ham so tonight it's all movies and breakdancing. Maybe if we get really cool we can break out the twister.
I have been working for the government developing plans........space plans.
For the Ewoks. Or should I say against the Gungans.
GENOCIDE OKEY-DAY?!?!?! You-sa people gonna die, Jar-Jar.
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Well, isn't it obvious?
In Kingdom Hearts 2, Sephiroth has 15 life bars........FIFTEEN!!!
Or should I say HAD fifteen life bars, because I totally took those away from him.
Someone should have told him that if he acts like a punk, he gets taken out like a punk.
Not, like, punk as in the "punk-rock" movement, but in, like, that way that those guys from Short Circuit are.
Something about kicking your balls into outer spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace....which I did.
(Oh and Tifa gives you a new Keyblade called the Fenrir which is shaped like a real motorcycle key.
Cloud, in Advent Children, has a bike called the Fenrir.......what a coinkidink!)
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Meshuggah: Sane
I've been sitting here with a cold and am eating Pringles.
Robot Chicken is funny.
Current Mood: weird
Current Music: Living Sacrifice: Liar
Hello all you people out there in the digital world.
Why can I not update my journal as much as I used to, I wonder...
I used to complain all the time about things that I really couldn't change. Doing that can fill up a page or two pretty quick. But I just don't care about things I don't care about, if that makes any sense. It just feels like all I was doing was making excuses; which I've found we mostly do in cases where we feel as though we were wronged, accused of doing wrong, or believe we have done wrong. Why is it that we never try and explain away good deeds?
I don't think that me writing this is really either good or bad. It's just like a form of a personal mental evaluation. And it's all in how you take it. I'm really talking to myself as much as any of you.
I told a friend of mine recently about what I considered a real right and wrong. And the picture I painted was this: Imagine a man or woman is caught in the middle of a flowing, rapid river. Apparantly on the verge of drowning and holding on for dear life. You might know this person, or you might not. Inside you will be two choices. One will be to help the person, despite risks to your own self, and two will be to save yourself, it's already too late anyways. In all honesty, self-preservation is a very powerful instinct. So you might think that you would initially choose to save yourself. Then you might think that all is not lost and you should help the person. But what I find interesting is that in your mind there will be a third thing that tells you to forget yourself and save the person because it is the right thing to do. This thing that judges between the two feelings cannot be either of them. That's like saying that a sheet of paper with musical notes on them is a note of music itself.
I do believe in a real right and a real wrong. A great deal of what I've thought in the past, though I've liked saying it and writing it, has been geared towards negativity. And I could just go on and on about things that I don't like. This might sound strange, but I've only ever done that when I wasn't at peace or on drugs. When I am happy, I just am, and I enjoy and I listen. I laugh and share and do things I like. That's where I am now. Not complaining. Not condemning. Even though there are things I hate about this world, and people who get on my last nerve, I don't think I have to be a slave to those things. So I won't. I just want you to know that. And I hope everyone is, or will be, doing great.
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: nothing right now.
Current Mood: hyper
Current Music: nujabes: Battle Cry
My Neighbor Totoro is really great.
I got the Godbird soulstone in DQVIII...now I can FLY!!! Just like R. Kelly.
I am going to visit a comic-book store today. The first time in a while.
I am currently drinking coffee.
Might I suggest some reading material? Read the space-trilogy by C.S. Lewis. They were written right after WWII had begun. Although no person had done any space travel at that time, Mr. Lewis' educated guesses about what life might be like on the other planets in our solar system were almost on-point,
Kind of like Orwell and 1984.
The books are called:
"Out of the Silent Planet."
"That Hideous Strength."
Speaking of Lewis, I finally finished all of the Chronicles of Narnia. Read them, read them, read them.
OH! I saw the new trailer for X-3. It takes a donkey and kicks it right out the window.
Also, if you go to panslabyrinth.com, you get to see a really creepy trailer for, you guessed it, Pan's Labyrinth. Directed by some spanish sounding guy that I can't remember his name and don't feel like looking up right now, BUT he directed The Devil's Backbone. Think about it...the backbone of the Devil has to be alot longer than a regular backbone...it has a tail (which, by the way, I do not believe what-so-ever).
There are some other things I'd like to say, but can't because I need to clean the house.
I hope you are all well beyond well, great and wonderful, and peachy-keen.
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Whatever I have on my Myspace page.
A great deal of people, or so I've heard, have been thinking it strange that my wife has converted to Christianity; I am the most shocked by it. After all, I myself have been down that road before. I know of certain people who would be quick to remind me of that. As for myself, I too am a Christian (again). The main difference is that before I did it to adapt to a new environment and I think my conversion was a great deal imaginary. Currently, I have been led there over the course of time. But, this post is not about me, though I'll use myself as reference. If you want to know my whole story, I'll gladly tell it. But this is about my wife, whom, by marriage, I am supposed to uphold her good name. And by the way, a marriage is a covenant, not a contract to be honored by mere flesh. It is sacred, and I intend to honor that.
I imagine that a great many of you are thinking to yourself "Oh, here we go, another one of THOSE types. Give me the old Steph versus (*a great movie*) the new one."
Surely some of you, and myself would have at one time, think that she is stepping out of a life of experience and fun and into a boring, 2000 year old doctrine full of ancient men in their togas and beards and no room for free thought. Well, what the age of a particular set of statements (if they seem good and true to a person upon recieving them) has to do with anything, I don't know. Whether they wore togas and robes or not has little to do with a person, as so many a people today will point out if they ever have been ridiculed for the way they look (see: 1995-1999 in my life). But what I'm vague on is this whole idea that Christianity is a thing of no free thought. Or why it is considered bad. Or even why so many a people will not ridicule a religion whose deities are ones with elephant heads, multiple arms, and so forth, but will jump the gun to make fun of and tear down a Christian. It's funny what we do to try and prove the Bible and Christ wrong. And then there is the one main thing we do in its defence...Of course, we've all said, "Christ was a great moral teacher," We then go on to say, "but I don't believe in the rest of it. I have a problem with Christians in general." I've said these very words before. Here is another true life story. Supposing I were to sit in a church, and I were listening to the preacher tell a modern truth and use the Bible as reference. Suppose he were to say that if we were to treat others as we would be treated..., and went on to give some examples of this in his own life. And it all turned out to be true and nice and no testament to falsehood. Now, imagine in the row in front of you there was a man or woman whom you knew to be a drinker. Or a drug addict. Or a bit loose. And this person was applauding everything the preacher said with the rest of us, and not too much louder so as not to draw attention to his/herself. Now why would seeing this person make you doubt what the preacher was saying? Why would it make you disbelieve in the teaching? I've been in this situation before and have thrown away a lesson just because of the people who were listening. Thinking to myself, "So, this is the type of crowd they have here." Forgetting that it rains on the just, as well as the unjust.
So much for judging a belief based on those who keep it poorly.
And isn't badness is only spoiled goodness?
But this is not my point, though I go on to make another one.
What can you ever really know of other people's souls — of their temptations, their opportunities, their struggles? One soul in the whole of creation you do know: and it is the only one whose fate is placed in your hands. If there is a God, you are, in a sense, alone with Him. You cannot put Him off with speculation about your neighbors or memories of what you have read in books. That's why we Christians are told not to judge. And if we do we must ask, if not beg, forgiveness.
My real point is this.
The Christian is in a different position from other people who are trying to be good. Some hope, by being good, to please God if there is one; or, if they think there is not, at least they hope to deserve approval from good men. Or maybe they do it because it feels right or good. But the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us; just as the roof of a greenhouse does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it.
I have to put here something that I had written on Steph's LJ because I need it to appear word for word so as not to cause any confusion. And the reason I put this here is to explain what Christians are forced to face when coming to terms with the religion itself:
"I think it is funny to assume that Christ was a mere "great moral teacher" and then still not believe he is the son of God.
I shall clarify. Suppose I were to come up to you and tell you things that would make your life easier and better if you followed them. I would tell you to be kind against all odds, love even your enemies, and to forgive anyone who asks it of you because, otherwise, you'd be carrying a burden. You'd probably think that was well and good, and you might tell others that I made sense, and you might just follow the teachings that I set forth. But then what if I called myself, not only the son of God, but God himself. And that in a time I would die and be ressurected for the forgiveness of all the sins of the world? You'd probably think, and rightly so, that I was the most insane person you'd ever met, and then you'd think that all of the advice that I'd given was false and nothing more than the rambligs of someone who is mentally unstable. After all, the teachings of Christ go against almost everything that we want to do by nature. But here is my point: Everyone who came in contact with Christ either loved him or hated him. There was no "mild" approval, none of this "great moral teacher" stuff. How could you think that he was a great moral teacher if there was no evidence of him doing anything so common and normal at that time? There were tons of preachers and teachers and poets at that time. And here comes this guy, who claims the impossible, and a group of people (the Jews) who worshipped one God, are forced to believe him. I wonder why that was? Could it have been the miracles? Could it have been his mannerisms? I think, and this is highly unpopular, that it was because he was telling the truth and backed it up 100%. I am forced to believe in Christ because I can find no reason, whatsoever, not to."
I also add this: If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.
And: Either Jesus claimed to be divine, or He did not. We know he did.
Either Jesus was right about those claims, or He was wrong.
"What proof was there he was right?" you may ask. To which I answer, what proof was there he was wrong?
This is all to clear up speculations that Steph and I are "blindly" going into something we know nothing about. We know plenty. Ignorance has not given the Christian community a good name, and why would we want a bad name? We have to try and set a good example.
With this all in mind, I ask all of you to please be kind. Show respect, because that is what Stephanie is trying to do with all of you. She is saying goodbye to her old self, not to anyone else in particular. I am the same way. I can only imagine the thoughts running through my friends heads. But, when I first became a Christian, as I've said, it was to fit into another crowd. That meant saying goodbye to the old one. This time I'm doing it because I believe it's right. And that means that I have to be honest, and not join a "clique" of Christians. I still love you all. We both do.
As for "free thought," I believe the old line goes, "lose yourself to find yourself." Only those who have laid down to die their lives, thoughts, and the rest of it, will find it. And a real self, at that.
Thank you for reading.
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